A Brother's Lament
by STUPIDHUMANZZ
Summary: A short trip into the psyches of Seto and Mokuba Kaiba. Chapter four:Why did you allow him to do that to you, Seto?, and Chapter five:I will never let anyone make me feel that weak ever again.
1. Do You Hate Me?

I have done a lot of bad things over the years. Things I am not particularly proud of. Things I wouldn't want my little brother to know. And some things he already does know.

I am an asshole. I know that for sure. I have done terrible unspeakable things all in pursuit of power. I have hurt people. Complete strangers and the people that I love alike.

People? More like one person now. Our happy little family…gone.

The one person I have left in this world. My little brother. My family. I fear that I have hurt him the worst. He looks up to me to help him if he falls, to save him if he's in trouble. He never knew our parents; the cruelest injustice in this world: the fact that he never got a chance to even look at out mother. All he has ever had is me. He is the best little brother I could ever ask for. I remember the day he was born. He was so innocent…fragile.

On her deathbed our mother asked me to protect him.

And I have failed him. I am the worst big brother ever. I couldn't save him in Duelist Kingdom or in Noah's virtual world. I couldn't spare him from the one thing that even I feared: the truth. Yes, now he knows. Every sordid little detail, all the wrongs I have committed- everything, thanks to Noah. I failed again that day in the worst way imaginable. I have never known more fear until that day when I was dueling against Noah. And there he was by Noah's side, a human shield, ready to protect Noah -against me. I was afraid. Genuine fear crawled into me, humbling me. The realization that I could possibly hurt him -again. Indeed, power is a very scary concept.

I don't blame him. I wasn't angry that day, I was only…afraid. Of hurting him again.

I bet Noah didn't even have to try that hard, all he had to do was to show him the truth. The person who I really am. The truth is I am a terrible person. I know that, the world knows that, and now even he knows it.

He's a good person, unlike me. He's only twelve years old and he has more conviction than I ever will. He's short now but one day he'll be taller than me.

He's a good person. He is the best brother that I could ever possibly ask for, and I am the worst. I have neglected him. I have used and manipulated him. I have hurt him, the one person I have left in this world and I hurt him.

I love you Mokuba. I am so sorry….

I know "they" hate me. If there is a "God" I think he'd hate me too. But I don't care anymore. Nothing else matters. Except...you.

Do you hate me, Mokuba?

I wouldn't blame you if you did. I'd hate me too.

The truth is you're the only reason I've lasted this long. You never needed me, I needed you. I don't deserve you. I know that now. I am not worthy of your love or of the title "nisama". I am so sorry...I need to ask you something. I am more afraid of your answer then anything else in this world, but I need to know.

Do you hate me?

I wouldn't blame you if you did. I'd hate me too.


	2. Fate

A.N: If you want to skip these Author's Notes, feel free to do so and go right to the story, I do have a tendency to rant. A lot. Firstly, I am new here, so HI! Alright, now that that is out of the way on to Round two. This is going to be a series of one-shots focusing on the Kaiba brothers. Mainly Seto because I am just playing favorites. I haven't forgotten about the first story (Do you Hate me?) and will probably write a sequel to that later. I will update every week or sooner if I feel exceptionally well that day. I didn't write any Author's Notes last time because I wanted my first piece to stand alone, that was my freshmen effort, this is my sophomore, so I need you all to be exceptionally harsh.

Another issue I feel obligated to touch on is the disclaimer. I will never have one after this moment Yu-gi-oh! and all other assorted copyrighted material are not my own, but belong to Kazuki Takahashi. Period. Also, reviewing would be nice, but if you are reading this right now, then you have already done enough! Thank you so much! Oh and much love to MysteriousFREAK4, Growing Pain, and l.h.o.o.q! I will take all your suggestions to heart and I mean that, your comments were very helpful. And now on to the next story….

* * *

I can't believe in fate. End of discussion. That's why I have no qualms about throwing Yugi and company out on the streets every time they even try to set foot on Kaiba Corporation property when they come around trying to convert me-again. It's impressive the type of crap that people pass off as a belief system these days. I pride myself on being a man of logic. I believe that philosophy is only as good as the evidence you have to support it. Destiny lacks all things that would make it credible. It's irrational, why any sane person would believe in it is beyond me.

I can't believe in fate no matter how hard Yugi or Ishizu try to preach to me otherwise. I hate evangelists anyway, more like propagandists if you ask me.

For one thing how can I possibly believe in a destiny where I am fated to lose? I've read those goddamn texts everyone keeps talking about. I don't know how, but I did. I've also been hallucinating again. I feel things; I see things as if they were real, just like in Battlecity. I have felt his emotions, seen what he saw, the one they call Priest Seth. But regardless of how I know this, the point remains that Yugi and I are not destined to fight forever; we're not even rivals. I am the one who is supposed to lose.

I can't accept that. I won't accept that. That is _my _championship title that he is holding right now. That is _my _title that I shall take from him again. One happy day he will be stripped of that championship, he will be humiliated. The crowds that once adored him will turn on him. Fickle, aren't they? And I am just that type of guy who'll do it; I am just that nice. I will win. I will not lose again just like that damned tablet says. I will prove destiny wrong, to prove that it doesn't even exist.

It won't be the first time I change my own destiny. Even before my duel with Ishizu…

After our parents died and after our relatives had gotten what they wanted from us (our inheritance) Mokuba and I were sent to the orphanage. Just another sad story of two kids that fell through the cracks of the system. If no one adopted us (and that was a possibility) we would have undeniably wandered in and out of foster homes until I became 18 and then-

I don't even want to think about that. The thought of leaving Mokuba alone in that place is unbearable.

Until that day when Gozaburo showed up. I was a poor ten year old boy up against a world champion. I should have lost. If destiny had had its way I would have lost and stayed at that orphanage. Who knows, maybe one day we would have been adopted… But that was a risk I was not willing to take. I made the decision for the both of us. _I _changed everything. Not destiny, not stupid luck.

For better or for worse _I_ changed it. _I_ changed our destinies. I even changed myself. For better or for worse….

But so did Mokuba. For the better. He has been granted a world of opportunities never before available to him at the orphanage. And that is worth _everything_. He can be whatever he wants to be, his future is just that bright. I know he feels obligated to work at Kaiba Corp. but he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. I've seen him around other people; he genuinely cares and he's smart too, maybe he could be a doctor.

But in my supposed past, if I am really am this Priest Seth, where's Mokuba? He's not there. He doesn't exist in this little past life Yugi and Ishizu keep talking about.

I can't accept that. I won't accept that. Period.

But there is one thing that makes me want to change my mind sometimes. Her. Kisara. I have felt what he felt, for her. He really loved her. I wanted to believe that people like her existed, that maybe people like her still do exist. But she died, for him. Why? Why did she do it, why did it even have to come that? Yugi keeps ranting on how history is supposed to repeat itself. I have thought about that possibility; of maybe there is some truth behind fate. I have to accept all possibilities no matter how improbable. That maybe one day she'll come back, that maybe I'll finally meet her. But history says she is to die.

Then I sincerely hope we never meet. If she is out there somewhere reincarnated, I hope our paths never cross. I will have no one else I care about die, especially for me.

I can't accept that. I won't accept that. Period. Fate is illogical. And I refuse to believe in it.


	3. Do You Love Me?

A.N.: As usual feel free to skip this and go right to the story. Sorry it took me a little longer to update. I am a day late sue me. Alright this time I tried to write in Mokuba's POV and I really need help now. I wrote another fic in Mokuba's POV previously and it was so crappy I didn't even want to post it. I made him too whiny well now I made a complete 180. He's angrier here that depressed so I need to know which you would have preferred. If this fic tanks I'll probably post the other one. This is somewhat of a sequel to "Do You Hate Me?" I am having a lot of trouble trying to get into his mindset because this kid is extraordinary; his circumstances truly are extraordinary, when you think about it. This set a little after Noa's Arc same thing for the first chapter.

* * *

Silence. I hate it. Its annoying, this loud deafening silence. Sadder still is the fact that my brother is the one who put up this wall of silence between us. It is he who doesn't want to talk to me or for me to talk to him because he knows what I am going to ask. He wants me to forget everything, about what happened. Some things are just too taboo I guess its better to never talk about them.

But I can't.

It's been a month since the incident and we still haven't spoken about it. I guess he figures that actions are louder than words. That's true most of the time but actions could be just as false as any unfulfilled promise or adroitly constructed lie. He's changed a little and I am grateful for that but he still hasn't changed everything. He's still stubborn. When he doesn't want to talk about something he won't. period.

I can't look at him the same way anymore. And even he knows it. I see in it in his eyes, when I can look at them. They are the only things that can betray his cold demeanor. They have this all-knowing quality to them; they alone can articulate what his lips will never say; what his hands will never write.

They're pleading. They wish things would go back to the way they used to be. They wish I didn't have to know what I know now. Sometimes I wish things weren't like this either. That I didn't even know what I know now: the truth.

But they can't. And I can't.

I can't forget what I learned in Noa's World. I can't forget what I saw, no matter how hard I try.

I saw Seto. In his purest form. Every flaw, every miserable unscrupulous deed he ever committed. Noa showed them all to me. After all these years it took someone like him to put a rift between us. After all that we have been through, with everyone trying to break us apart _he_ finally succeeded. And he didn't even have to try too hard; he just showed me the truth. I saw Seto. I watched him as he used everyone around _us _to fight his way to the top. I watched as he manipulated the big five and even our stepfather. Everyone fell for it. Then I saw him use _me... _And I fell for it. He manipulated me, he was always one step ahead me, predicting every move that I would make and I played right into his hands.

And in this loud deafening silence that is the one thing that I can think about. This is something I can not ignore; no matter how hard I try the fact still remains.

He betrayed _me_. He thinks I can just forget about that? Well guess what? I can't just forgive and forget. I am sick of the silence. It just reminds me how far away I am from Seto right now. Sometimes he's there physically in the room but he's not really there. We are in two completely different worlds but still in the same room.

I know what he has done but now I need to know why. He thinks that I know too much as it is and would rather I not know anything more, but he is not the only one in this family that is stubborn. It's easy for his stubbornness to rub off on me since he _is_ my family.

I need to know why. Why? Why did he do this to me? It still hurts, the fact that he would deceive me. I need to know what else he has been hiding from me. There's more to the story I know it.

People who love each other don't hurt each other, right? You never betray family, right? Then why did Seto.

I need to hear it from you nisama. Please tell me. Please just talk to me. I can't stand this silence. I need to ask you something: Do you even love me? Do you, really? I doubt that you do.

* * *

If you are reading this right now then there are no words that can express how grateful I am to you. Whether or not you review is up to you but thank you so much regardless !


	4. Liar

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile but I'll make it up to you! Two chapters for the price of one! This took me a long time to write. You have no idea how hard this was for me to write. No idea…

* * *

Mokuba gasped involuntarily, the horror of the situation dawning on him in all its terrible glory. He hadn't meant to show weakness especially in front of his brother but …He just wasn't prepared for this sight. "Wh-what are those, Seto?" he asked stumbling over his own words. It was supposed to be a simple question requiring a simple answer. Seto would tell him that he was imagining things. That there was absolutely no way that he would be staring at his brother's back and the horrible scene etched on his skin. That those weren't scars on Seto's back, and maybe even a stab wound. Seto needed to tell his brother that. That everything was alright.

But this time there was only silence. Again. Seto only stood there buttoning up his shirt frantically and he refused to answer him. No, not this time, he would get answers today. No matter how unpleasant the truth might be, he needed to know, he deserved that much.

"_He _did this to you, didn't he?" He prodded further No further explanation was needed. _His _name would never again be uttered in these halls after the day Seto took over. Mokuba had always known that _he_ had treated Seto terribly but he never would have guessed that _he_ would be the cause of all those scars on Seto's back or that Seto would have them in the first place. He looked so awkward standing there looking so exposed, almost vulnerable. Well, almost.

It occurred to him how stupid he had been. There was a reason why Seto never wore anything besides his trademark long sleeve shirts or suits. "Why? Why did you allow him to do this to you?" He finally choked out. "You should have told someone. I don't know….Child Services, anyone. You should have told me-"

"That's enough, Mokuba", he cut him off. "This didn't concern you; it was and still is none of your business", he replied coolly. He started to walk away- away from his brother- making it abundantly clear that the discussion was over. But it wasn't, at least notfor Mokuba.

"None of my business?" He was deeply hurt by the callousness of his brother's words. "You are my business, you are my brother!" It was a fact, it should have been self-evident, it shouldn't have had to be stated but somehow it did, as if Mokuba needed to reassure himself as well.

Seto started to walk away again. No not again, Mokuba reasoned. He was sick of this.

"Talk to me, Seto!" He yelled out. He hadn't meant to yell, but he did. He had repressed a lot of things over the years, today was not the most opportune moment to let them all out, but if not now then when? "Jesus, you've been ignoring for months now!" It was the truth, and Seto was not denying it. Just more silence."What the hell is your problem? Please just talk to me…"

"It's not that simple" He finally replied in defeat.

"You are not even trying. But then again I guess this isn't a stretch for you, is it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Now this caught Seto's attention.

"You have always been keeping things from me haven't you?" Seto had no answer. Again. He turned his back on him- to his brother.

"You lied to me!" Again, he said only to himself. He snapped. Mokuba was letting _everything_ out. "You have always been keeping things from me, haven't you?" He could think of nothing but anger at this point. It's amazing how fast you can switch from feeling hurt to angry. And that newly discovered anger surged through him; he was angry at himself for being so naïve, even angrier at his brother for once again lying to him and now for ignoring him. He quickly forgot about what had started this argument in the first place. He forgot about the scars on Seto's back, he even forgot that it was Seto who was hurt. The only thing he could focus on was the fact that Seto had hurt him now. Lying to him yet again and then how could Mokuba ever forget Seto's past injustices? Betraying him, manipulating him. He had repressed these feelings of anger for so long, they had just picked a rather bad time to come out.

"What was that?" Seto challenged, his back still turned, his head only turning slightly.

"You heard me." Mokuba answered his challenge. Like Seto he would not back down, not now, not ever. "You've always been lying to me, using me, manipulating me." Seto took the hint. They were no longer talking about Gozaburo, now they were talking about Noa. In the end who knew it would be Noa that would put a rift in between the two brothers. So many things left unresolved after that episode. They both had buried their past but inevitably it resurfaced. Mokuba unable to forget and even harder for him to forgive his brother for wrongs he had committed years ago, they still hurt now, the fact that Seto had manipulated him, of all people.

"I did what I had to, for us. You have to understand-"

"I don't have to do anything!" Mokuba spat out venomously, dangerously.

"Fine then."

Such a simple answer, such a simple god damned answer with apathy dripping from every letter. "What is your problem? He asked dejectedly. "Who are you? I don't even know you anymore…."

Silence again.

"Why can't you just let me in? Why won't you let me help you? I am your brother, damn it" Apparently this fact beared repeating." Why do you have to be so guarded all the time?" He was still not getting through to him."Why do you do this to yourself? WHY!" Still nothing. "Fine.Be miserable, for all I care!" Had Mokuba gone too far? "But just know you won't have me around anymore to use. I am through with you." No not far enough. "I hate you Seto Kaiba". He stormed out so fast that he didn't even see his brother turn around just in time to see the door slam.

* * *

If you feel a little confused, its ok it was meant to be a little confusing. If that made perfect sense to you, then I failed. The point was that action and movement don't play a significant part here. It was basically just pure dialogue and stream-of-consciousness. But if you needed a visual here it is: Mokuba was walking past his older brother's room and in passing he saw his brother without his shirt on and he saw his exposed back complete with all the scars Gozaburo gave him. He scurries to put his shirt back on and then this argument takes place. This somewhat a continuation of the themes explored in my other chapters. I guess you could call it yet another quasi-sequel. Thanks for reading! 


	5. Weakness

This is just another quick look into Seto's psyche. Can you handle it?

* * *

I spent five years in that damn orphanage. There we were basically forgotten about. No one would adopt us- and I meant _us_, Mokuba and I. I felt like I was nothing, invisible. And five years of that crap can put a number on anyone. Then we were adopted Gozaburo Kaiba.

And I thought the orphanage was a nightmare. I had seen my parents die before my eyes, I had stood idly by as I was chewed up and spit out by my "caring" relatives who only wanted Mokuba and I as long our inheritance kept putting money in their pockets, when it inevitably ran out we were quickly disposed of. I had seen more hardship than most eleven- year olds. But even then I had no concept of _real _pain until _he_ adopted us. I thought that after all that we had been through perhaps we could finally have some semblance of a family. Things couldn't possibly get worst, right? How naive I was to believe in such foolishness.

Everyday that I spent at that mansion I was reminded how weak I was, how pathetic. Every day that I spent there was hell personified and _he_ himself the devil. I was abused in every sense of the word. Verbally, physically, mentally, emotionally I was tormented. I would learn the hard way that "to lose was to die", a lesson I would never forget. But there was one good thing that came out of it: with all of Gozaburo's attention on me Mokuba was all but ignored. I know it must have hurt him to be so neglected, but believe me, Mokuba did not want Gozaburo's type of attention…

That was me at my lowest. I felt like shit. After being told I was weak for so long I started to believe it. I wasn't sleeping much anymore or eating for that matter. I was ready to give up, I was even considering suicide. But I soon came to realize that failure was not an option. One day I saw a bruise on Mokuba. It was the most terrible thing I had ever seen: a hideous blue and purple mark tainting his perfect skin. It was obvious where that injury stemmed from; it became evidently clear that if I was to fail now Mokuba would be expected to take my place. I could never allow that to happen. I had to formulate a completely new plan. I could no longer play by _his _rules. I would win in my own way. And I did. I killed him, that bastard dared to lay a hand on my brother and no one got away with that. No one. I was no longer weak anymore.

After that moment I made a pact with myself: no one would ever make me feel that weak ever again. If that meant a living a guarded life, so be it for I would never let my guard down. I would never feel that vulnerable again. No one would ever get the best of me- again. I would protect Mokuba at all costs. I would be stronger than _he_ ever was. I refuse to be so fragile, to let emotions get the best of me. I can not. I will not. I have to stay strong, for Mokuba, to keep myself from going crazy. I am not weak. At least not anymore. To lose it to die and I have to live… For Mokuba.

* * *

I am not sure when my next update is coming, in all honesty. If you don't hear from me in awhile it's because Hurricane Wilma has taken out my power. Sorry please excuse us Floridians, and as always thank you so much for reading! 


	6. Meant Every Word?

'He locked his door. That's a first', Seto thought to himself.

After Gozaburo's death, all of his assets came into Seto's possession including the Kaiba Mansion. Seto and Mokuba then immediately undertook the lengthy process of disposing (and desecrating) all of Gozaburo's personal effects. Everything that that bastard held dear and cared for was painstakingly destroyed in a blazing glory of blue flame. Seto had no regrets. In fact, the thought always brought a sadistic little smile to Seto's face. The mansion was a different story. For awhile Seto actually considered torching the mansion as well, burning it down to its very foundations; Mokuba talked him out of it. Arson on such a grand scale would look to conspicuous, he reasoned and Seto relented, opting to instead renovate the colossus making it more grand and extravagant than ever before imagined.

Needless to say the mansion was huge so Seto and especially Mokuba decided to keep their bedrooms in rather close proximity. If the silence and loneliness of the mansion ever got to Mokuba all he ever needed to do was go across the hall to his brother's room or to his home office only a few doors away. That was they way it always was and their doors were always open to each other, never locked.

He locked his door, now.

"_You should have told me"_

"_This didn't concern you; it was and still is none of your business."_

"_None of my business? You are my brother!"_

"_I hate you Seto Kaiba!"_

…

"_Talk to me… Please just talk to me…"_

A terse knock announced Seto's presence in front of Mokuba's door. "May I come in?" 'please', he added mentally. An eternity passed before the door finally opened a sliver. The boy retreated back into the confines of his room.

Seto entered cautiously. Mokuba wasn't even sure why he had even let him in. He still wasn't sure if he would speak to Seto.

Seto wasn't sure what to say or whether to say anything at all. Should he apologize? In the heat of his confusion he simply blurted out what was on his mind.

"Don't you think overreacted just a little in there?"

Mokuba had actually been thinking about that too. He chuckled slightly.

"Yeah actually. Blame it on those teenage hormones"

At that they both chuckled.

"But I meant every word"

All the malice and anger that Mokuba had previously had was now gone. He wasn't angry anymore. A fact that shocked Seto to no end. But he reasoned it did make a lot of sense. After all this was Mokuba. He was a remarkably resilient kid. But when he had said that he hated him, those words were in anger and could be left at that. Not this time. He was perfectly lucid and reasonable at this point and still he meant every word that he had said a while back at their previous… argument.

"You're my brother", Mokuba added. "I love you, you know that? But sometimes…sometimes I just really don't like you. For one thing how could you lie to me? "

"I thought I was protecting you."

"Wrong. Very wrong. If I had known…oh god if I had known- "

"I didn't want you to know-"

"We could have gone away-"

"Gone where? Back to that orphanage? No, I would never let that happen. Gozaburo was a bastard but his was an opportunity we could not waste… I did it for you."

"Don't you see? I didn't care where we were. It wouldn't have mattered to me. I would have been happy regardless. You didn't need to go through all that." At this point Mokuba was on the verge of tears. The guilt was too much.

Seto was starting to feel it is as well. He didn't know he had made his brother worry so much. He opened his mouth as if to speak. He would tell him that everything he had done he had done with Mokuba in mind. He would justify all his past injustices with a glib plea for the "greater good". He would tell him calmly and coolly that all that was in the past. He would ask his brother to understand and if he couldn't so be it. But he stopped himself.

Instead he said something he should have done awhile ago. He apologized. He apologized for lying to him about Gozaburo, about using him as a pawn to usurp Kaibacorp., and lastly, most importantly, he apologized for neglecting him.

And then he begged for forgiveness.

"Can you forgive me?'

"Yes, actually. That's all I ever wanted to hear", Mokuba replied with his classic jovial nature fully restored.

Both brothers simply looked at each other for a moment. A silent promise uttered between the two as their eyes met. Things would be different now. Things would change. For the better, this time.

* * *

And this is the end. Alright by number of hands who out there thought that ending was a bit rushed? Anyone, c'mon tell me. If you can spare the time, review please. Constructive feedback always a plus. Also if I have any spelling or grammatical errors, if you could point them out, I'd appreciate that as well.. Oh and much thanks to Danny'sGhostGirl for reminding that this story still existed. . Thank you to everyone and anyone who actually took the time to read this...this...this... abomination to literature. Thanksfor humoring me.

And now I dare ya to flame me, I dare ya!


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